SG-1/HP Fic: The Only Thing She Didn't Have Was a Flying Motorcycle (PG-13)

[what_works]

Fandom: Stargate: SG-1/Harry Potter
Title: Four Fics I Would Never Write: iii. The Only Thing She Didn't Have Was a Flying Motorcycle
Author: Em
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~950
Characters: Vala, Sirius
Challenge: Vala/Sirius, silly
Summary: Some time after his surprise that space flight was not only probable but customary and her surprise that some magic was real came the understanding that Vala and Sirius were incredibly sloshed.
Dedication: For my sekrit wife, roadrunner1896 on her birthday
Notes: When I asked what Roadie'd like in a birthday fic she chose to be difficult, muddled up all her choices, and left me with word soup. I'm a sadistic, stubborn bastard so I took that as a challenge. Which means we have this—Four Fics I Would Never Write. This is Part 3.
Also, I am insane and vehemently insist that The Curtain is really just a very oddly-shaped Stargate, hence the logic of Vala and Sirius meeting.



iii. The Only Thing She Didn't Have Was a Flying Motorcycle


Some time after his surprise that space flight was not only probable but customary and her surprise that some magic was real came the understanding that Vala and Sirius were incredibly sloshed.

They didn't quite blame their drunkenness on playing "I Never," since playing with two people as deviant and shameless as they were limited the amount of drinking involved.

Until Vala had confidently said, "I never believed in magic."

And Sirius took a big swig.

Which led to Vala's eyes nearly bugging out of her head and her gasping, "You don't."

"I have to." His voice was hoarse from the burning alcohol.

"No. It's just science, technology," Vala insisted. She felt her pockets, then checked her bodice, finally finding a small cube tucked between her breasts. She held it out and a hologram popped up from it showing Vala smiling, waving, and winking on a beach. "No magic."

Sirius grinned. He shouldn't have done it—really shouldn't have—but the alcohol and his natural Sirius-ness made him slide his wallet from his pocket and dig until he found a photograph. James and Sirius each had an arm around the other's shoulder and were laughing hysterically, sometimes bending over, sometimes pointing, but always laughing.

Vala blinked and snatched the picture from Sirius' hand. She waved the paper, held it close to her eye, turned it over. "How does this work?" She dropped it on the table. "Now that's technology I could sell." She poked the picture. "I have buyers."

Sirius smiled to himself, watching as he and James just laughed.

She snatched the picture away before Sirius could grab it. "I mean, really. Professional curiosity aside, you have to tell me."

Sirius plucked the picture from her fingers and shrugged. "It's magic."

Vala set her lip, pointing at the picture slipping back into Sirius' wallet. "No. Falling in love is magic—if you want to call it that. That—that is technology."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Let's just get back to the game." He picked up his bottle and toasted her. "I never . . ." Sirius reached for the absurd. "Had sex in a spaceship."

"Don't think this lets you off the hook about that technology." Vala downed a mouthful of liquid.

Sirius blinked.

"What?" Vala slammed the bottle down. "Like you're the bastion of virtue."

His mouth opened and closed before he sputtered, "In a spaceship?"

She waved her hand. "Sometimes it gets dull. Or cold. Or Daniel looks absolutely delicious because he's pouting . . ." She trailed off in a smile.

"Spaceship," Sirius squeaked.

Vala rolled her eyes. "Get over it, will you?"

He made some choking half sounds. He waved his hands, making staccato movements in the air. "They're not real!"

Vala tilted back her bottle. "Oh, but magic is."

Sirius pulled out his wand and pointed it at the bottle still in Vala's hand. "Accio whiskey." The bottle flew out of her hand and into his open one.

She looked at her empty hand. He smirked.

After several more small demonstrations including conjuring water, transfiguring a cup into a mouse, and charming Vala's shoes into dancing, she finally believed him.

"So it's magic—really?" She sort of believed him.

Sirius pushed his hair out of his face. "I really shouldn't have shown you any of that." He squinted at the bottle, finally realizing that they'd consumed almost a bottle each of extremely potent and acrid alcohol.

"Spaceships are real, too," Vala said. "I have one." She dropped her voice and leered. "We can go have sex in it, if you like."

Sirius barked with laughter.

Vala nudged his calf with her bare foot, her shoes still off dancing. "C'mon, finish the game; we've each got just a bit left."

Sirius smiled and lifted his bottle. "It's your turn." He took a swig anyway.

Vala stuck her tongue out of the corner of her mouth. Her eyes lit after a brief moment. "I never rode a flying motorcycle." She watched Sirius with something like homicidal glee.

Sirius lifted his bottle and drained it.

Vala dropped her bottle, not noticing as it upended and spilled all over the floor. "I thought I was making it up."

"I had one," Sirius said. He deposited the empty bottle on the table. "I loved that bike."

Vala leaned over and gripped his arm. "Can you make another?" Her eyes were so wide, Sirius wondered if her eyes could fall out.

He shrugged. "I suppose. Just need the bike. I should be able to remember all the char—"

Vala pulled him to his feet and was dragging him away from the table. His chair toppled over and Vala's shoes were still half-heartedly dancing in the corner.

"I know where we can get a bike." Vala's mouth was moving as fast as her feet; Sirius was having trouble keeping up. "We'll have to steal it of course, but I don't think you'll mind that. And that magic thing should come in handy." She stopped dead in her tracks and Sirius nearly fell over her. "Oh, I can't wait to have my own flying motorcycle." The tone in her voice was wistful, like a child longing for a puppy after her mother forbade her from ever having one.

Vala spun and quickly kissed his cheek. "I knew meeting you would be a good thing."

Sirius grinned, was reminded of James' attention span, and had a momentary epiphany of what it was like for Remus to be his friend.

Then Vala tugged Sirius' arm again, keeping up a constant dialogue as she explained that they'd have to take her ship to get there, and won't Daniel be surprised, and she doesn't mind stealing Sam's bike anyway because she had it coming.

Sirius' smile deepened and for the first time he thought, falling through that weird curtain actually wasn't half bad.



~Comments and feedback are appreciated.

Comments

[roadrunner1896.livejournal.com]

I knew she would steal Sam's bike. Teehee. *loves Vala*

Vala/Sirius is even better than Jack/Sirius. But I must admitt that I kinda prefer Vala/Daniel to Jack/Daniel, too, these days. I am so losing my slash.

Alli, I love you so very much for these insane fics. Kinda makes me throw names in a hat and draw random pairings to keep you going.

I think I want the part where they fly to Earth and have sex in Vala's spaceship for Christmas or so. ;)

*snuggles you lots*

[theemdash]

*snuggles*

I knew she would steal Sam's bike. Teehee. *loves Vala*

Oh, they hate each other, you know it. And I am in no way getting ideas for my other Vala story. ;)

I am so losing my slash.

No, you're not. Trust me.

Alli, I love you so very much for these insane fics.

Anything for you . . . wait, no, not anything, but y'know I'll be insane for you. And I love you, too.

Kinda makes me throw names in a hat and draw random pairings to keep you going.

There are some characters that I don't write as well as others. And the pairing has to have some inkling of sense for me to write it well. Vala/Sirius is sort of . . . natural.

I think I want the part where they fly to Earth and have sex in Vala's spaceship for Christmas or so. ;)

We'll see what happens . . .

I'm so glad you like your fics. *snuggles*

[roadrunner1896.livejournal.com]

And I am in no way getting ideas for my other Vala story. ;)

*snoogles your brain* ;)

No, you're not. Trust me.

How would you know? Every new show I started, I am hetting my way into and I start to lose interest in the old slash pairings as well. It is embarrassing.

Or do you know something I don't? Is Vala actually a guy?

I love my fics. I so can't wait for Daniel/Remus. *snuggles*

[theemdash]

Every new show I started, I am hetting my way into and I start to lose interest in the old slash pairings as well.

It's the Shiny New Syndrome. I've been reading HP instead of SG-1, but then someone posted a new Jack/Daniel and I loved it. See? It's all a matter of shiny and new.

But c'mon, Jack/Daniel is still teh hott. They have THING.

Besides, Daniel/Remus. *dangles the pretty*

[roadrunner1896.livejournal.com]

Of course do Daniel and Jack have THING. But Daniel and Vala have ahem THONG or soemthing.

And I meant more the new shows I started watching. Everyone is slashing people there in various pairings and I just ship the het pairings for some reason. That never happend. I hate all that relationship, which is why I started to get my kicks out of the slash stuff.

And don't get me started on all the brother shows. I think it is just that everyone has to slash everyone these days and I am a rebel or something.

*graps pretty for a nice threesome*

It is not like I hate slash or something. I just don't read it much at the moment. Or look for it on my shows.

[theemdash]

But Daniel and Vala have ahem THONG or soemthing.

Roadie, you're a genius! They totally have THONG. You're so right. *snicker*

And I meant more the new shows I started watching.

What shows? I thought you tended to only slash sci-fi/fantasy shows anyway. I only have a handful of pairings, really. Mostly I have characters who I'll read paired with almost any one. ;)

And don't get me started on all the brother shows.

We don't like incest, no matter how pretty it is.

[roadrunner1896.livejournal.com]

Roadie, you're a genius! They totally have THONG. You're so right. *snicker*

Thanks. It just sounded best in my head between THANG, THENG and THUNG.

What shows? I thought you tended to only slash sci-fi/fantasy shows anyway. I only have a handful of pairings, really. Mostly I have characters who I'll read paired with almost any one. ;)

NCIS (While I do see Gibbs/DiNozzo, DiNozzo/McGee and Gibbs/McGee moments, I do ship DiNozzo/Kate (or rather did) and McGee/Abby)
Supernatural (seriously, I don't get the incest stuff, I mean, most of the time I am like "Throw the two hottest guys together and have fun with them" kinda girl when I choose my pairings, but they are brothers. Just because they say "I love you" or pat each other's shoulders doesn't mean anything. For me to eventually slash some brothers there should be more than that, which I consider normal things between siblings (because otherwise I am a very sick girl))
Same problem with Numb3rs (though one could slash Charlie with Larry, but I do pair them all off with the girls on the show
Criminal Minds I don't even have pairings there yet, but I don't see the slash everyone seems to see between Gideon and Hotch (okay, it worked for Geiger and Nyland, but that was something else, I don't suppose I'll slash RDA's and Michael Shanks' character in another show just because I slashed Jack/Daniel, what kind of sense is that anyway?)
CSI New YorkNot slashing anyone. Though I am close to slash the girls. It just started here, though, so I need to continue watching, but apparently one has to slash Mac and Danny.
And on Veronica Mars I don't really slash either, except for a very few Logan/Weevil stories I wrote from someone on my friend list. One could argue, though, that this is more a teeny drama show, so het ships go with the programm.

I usually never shipped het in my mystery or fantasy or scifi shows, because it annoys me.

[theemdash]

You do know that a "thong" is a sexy piece of underwear, right?

[roadrunner1896.livejournal.com]

Yes, I do. Which is why it sounded better than Thang, which would be slang for Thing. I can picture both of them wearing thongs. Well, not for long, but I can picture them. I prefer to picture Daniel with a tea-cozy, though.

[theemdash]

They have THONG. Really. *giggle*

[roadrunner1896.livejournal.com]

I know they have. Can we invite them to our Remus threesome and make an orgy out of it?

[theemdash]

Sure, but we'll have to have Sirius, too.

Yeah, that sucks. ;)

[roadrunner1896.livejournal.com]

Then lets invite him, too.

[theemdash]

Okay, so that's us, Daniel, Vala, Remus, and Sirius.

I'm just taking a head count so I have enough jello.

[roadrunner1896.livejournal.com]

I just made lots of jello. It is for tomorrow but we can use it as a backup just in case.

I am curious how my friends will like blue berry and banana-strawberry.

And we will be watching Firefly on the big screen in the conference room. (I hope they prettify it for me, but even if not, it won't be much worse than in my basement).

And I will get presents. Woohoo.

[theemdash]

I hope you have a really nice party and get lots of fun presents. Aren't you glad that Selmak lasted so that I could get you your fics? I think it was Selmak's present to you.

[roadrunner1896.livejournal.com]

I am very glad he lasted that long. He is such a thoughtful little computer. *snuggles him*

I will miss him so very much.

[roadrunner1896.livejournal.com]

Also, thongs are thongs in Germany, too. Well, they are Thongs, since it is a noun. Just in case you ever need to buy underwear here and forget the word Unterwäsche. ;)

[nakedtoes.livejournal.com]

This is utterly delightful - I'm stunned by how well the pairing works. Vala's just so cute at the end!

[theemdash]

*snicker* They're pretty alike, you know. And Vala's always cute. ;)

Thanks for reading!

[theemdash]

Oh and "professional" curiosity, how did you come across this story?

[nakedtoes.livejournal.com]

It was obscure, to say the least - cleverocity made a random common in a flocked post in someone's journal. So there you go - lj fame :)

[theemdash]

Ah ha! cleverocity is on stargatefic (somehow I feel comforted). I like tracking how people get to my fics. Also, I hope the random comment was good or at least cracktastical. ;)

[nakedtoes.livejournal.com]

Just a link and a title, I'm afraid :)

[theemdash]

Even a link and a title is good enough for me. ;)

*has been pimped* :D

[cleverocity.livejournal.com]

Hi, and I shall further explain that I was continuing a comment-spam conversation from somewhere else (I was a bit mixed up, it was the middle of the night) where I believe I pimped it by saying it was "omg" and "crack!" (er, I blame sleep deprivation. She knew I meant "I wish you to go read this most excellent piece of writing," I hope.)

And also, I meant to comment earlier to say I loved it but forgot due to aforementioned mixed-up-ed-ness reasons. Sleep is good. I should look into getting some one of these days.

[theemdash]

Sleep is good, but I wouldn't know much after it either. ;)

Thanks for the omg!crack pimp. I like pimping. And this is crack. See? it all fits together in a completely happy way.

[akasha-lilian.livejournal.com]

Oh God I loved this to bits! They're such a perfect combination! Stealing Sam's bike...*ROTFLMAO*

falling through that weird curtain actually wasn't half bad.

*megalol*

A sequel? PLEASE? This has so much potential to become one of my OTPs. Please? *puppy eyes*

I adored this one!

[theemdash]

Thanks for the kind words! I'm glad you enjoyed it so much. ;)

They're such a perfect combination! Stealing Sam's bike...*ROTFLMAO*

Oh, you know that Vala wants to. And she and Sam don't seem to really like each other anyway.

A sequel? PLEASE? This has so much potential to become one of my OTPs. Please? *puppy eyes*

I might be tempted to write a sequel for this. It's begging for a sequel, isn't it? I mean, how do they get in the SGC and steal the bike? And what happens when Vala finally gets her flying motorcycle?

My brain have been fried by the crossover. . .

[akasha-lilian.livejournal.com]

Thank you for writing this one! ;-)

No I guess not! But then again I can understand Sam for feeling threatened...cause let's face it, Vala rocks so much more!

It's begging for a sequel, isn't it?

It absolutely is! Really! And smut between Vala and Sirius? *might be in need of a very cold shower* How could I tempt you to write a sequel?

A nice way to go, wasn't it! ;-) *pats your fried brain*

[theemdash]

And smut between Vala and Sirius? *might be in need of a very cold shower* How could I tempt you to write a sequel?

I'm starting to think that I might need a Vala/Sirius icon. *snicker*

Since both you and Roadie seem set on Vala/Sirius sex, I'll see what I can do. And you're right, you'll need a cold shower.

[roadrunner1896.livejournal.com]

Akasha and I are often set on the same sex. We often do have sex with each other, too. I use her body, when I can't have yours.

*licks you*

A Sirius/Vala icon sounds good. *wants one, too*

[akasha-lilian.livejournal.com]

I use her body, when I can't have yours.

On the one hand this comment disturbs me on the other hand my brain is screaming 'illicit affair'! *ggg* I'm so twisted...

[roadrunner1896.livejournal.com]

Which is why I love you.

And with all the lickage, gropage, snugglage and bondage (which we didn't have yet, but which will surly come) you can't say it is not true.

*gropes*

[akasha-lilian.livejournal.com]

Vala/Sirius icon? With the Gary Oldman Sirius or a drawing of the two?

Well great minds think alike and I hope you can do a lot about our new 'obssession'! =) And will you provide for me the cold shower afterwards as well? ;-P

[theemdash]

A drawing could be really cute.

Hmmm.... I totally need to convince someone to draw some of my fics. ;)

You guys are so asking me to put Vala and Sirius in a shower, aren't you?

[jakisbishlygay.livejournal.com]

*laughs hysterically*

OMG!!!!!! *squee* That was perfect!

[theemdash]

*snickers* I'm glad you enjoyed it. This piece still makes me giggle.

[green-grrl.livejournal.com]

YAY!!!!!! First, WHEW! I so love that falling through the curtain is like falling through the quantum mirror. At least he ended up someplace fun! Second, Vala + Sirius = AWESOME!

It's totally going on the list. :-)

[theemdash]

I'm so amused that you're amused. After I read OotP I was immediately saying, "IT'S JUST A WEIRD STARGATE OR SOMETHING." *snickers* I know nothing of denial. ;)

I really should write Vala and Sirius stealing Sam's bike, yeah?

[green-grrl.livejournal.com]

Oh, you so totally should!