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what_worksFandom: Harry Potter
Title: Novel Abuse
Author: Em
Rating: PG
Word Count: 200
Characters: Remus, Sirius
Summary: Melted chocolate, Remus's book, and Sirius's most innocent look of innocence.
Dedication: for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
chelle86
Novel Abuse
The abused book dangles from Remus's fingertips. Remus's face is six different shades of red, including a salmon that does not go with his hair at all.
"Are you even listening to me?" he growls.
"Uh." Sirius straightens his head, clearing his thoughts of the shade of Remus's neck. "Uh, yes. You're quite cross."
"I'm quite—I'm cross. I'm cross?" Remus snarls, more wolf than boy. "You got chocolate—my chocolate—all over the book, Sirius! My book. My chocolate!"
Sirius affects his most innocent look of innocence, the one that only works on Professor Flitwick (because everyone else knows better). "You're very cross?"
"AHHHH!" Remus shoves the book into Sirius's face and stalks to the far side of the common room, muttering about insane pixies and drunken puppies (which doesn't make much sense to Sirius, but probably means that Remus will forgive him by this evening).
Sirius catches the book, getting melted chocolate on his face and fingers. His tongue darts out to lick his lips. "Huh." He turns around and yells to Remus, "More people would read if all books tasted like this."
Remus's forehead strikes the table loudly, repeatedly. Maybe Remus won't forgive him until tomorrow morning.
~Comments and feedback are chocolate.
Title: Novel Abuse
Author: Em
Rating: PG
Word Count: 200
Characters: Remus, Sirius
Summary: Melted chocolate, Remus's book, and Sirius's most innocent look of innocence.
Dedication: for
chelle86 The abused book dangles from Remus's fingertips. Remus's face is six different shades of red, including a salmon that does not go with his hair at all.
"Are you even listening to me?" he growls.
"Uh." Sirius straightens his head, clearing his thoughts of the shade of Remus's neck. "Uh, yes. You're quite cross."
"I'm quite—I'm cross. I'm cross?" Remus snarls, more wolf than boy. "You got chocolate—my chocolate—all over the book, Sirius! My book. My chocolate!"
Sirius affects his most innocent look of innocence, the one that only works on Professor Flitwick (because everyone else knows better). "You're very cross?"
"AHHHH!" Remus shoves the book into Sirius's face and stalks to the far side of the common room, muttering about insane pixies and drunken puppies (which doesn't make much sense to Sirius, but probably means that Remus will forgive him by this evening).
Sirius catches the book, getting melted chocolate on his face and fingers. His tongue darts out to lick his lips. "Huh." He turns around and yells to Remus, "More people would read if all books tasted like this."
Remus's forehead strikes the table loudly, repeatedly. Maybe Remus won't forgive him until tomorrow morning.
~Comments and feedback are chocolate.
Tags:
no subject
Date: 2006-04-27 06:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-27 06:34 pm (UTC)I happily write puppy crack!fic for you. It's pretty much what I usually do in comments, only this is more scenic.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-27 06:36 pm (UTC)And *squeeeeeeeeeee* I LOVE your puppy crack!fic! It's my favourite kind of fic! Hehe, this is different from the comments in that it's not only dialogue. And it's not so crazy too XD
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Date: 2006-04-27 06:55 pm (UTC)Remus hit him with a book! That's not crazy?
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Date: 2006-04-27 06:57 pm (UTC)OMG MY POOR ICKLE REMUS WHAT HAS HE DONE TO YOUR BRAIN???? *cuddles him and gives him a hot water bottle and feeds him chocolate* There there darling, it's alright. The mean nasty book-killer can't get to you from here.
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Date: 2006-04-27 07:04 pm (UTC)Sirius hops over, sitting in front of Remus. "And you're speaking in caps now. Your transformation is complete."
Remus cradles his head. "Nooo! I can't be like Padfoot. It would just be wrong, horrible, deplorable, terrible."
"Hmmm . . ." Sirius scratches his head. "Maybe I'm not quite done; you've retained your use of commas."
Remus stops cradling his head and starts cradling his commas. "Huzzah!"
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Date: 2006-04-27 07:06 pm (UTC)My poor darling. Have a dictionary, it'll make you feel better :)
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Date: 2006-04-27 07:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-27 07:16 pm (UTC)Sirius really HAS taken over his brain! I think it's time for some therapy!
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Date: 2006-04-27 07:20 pm (UTC)(Is this what you meant when you said my comment fics were crazy? ;) )
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Date: 2006-04-27 07:23 pm (UTC)And to Sirius, yes, there WILL be bondage involved. You will be bound and gagged, thrown into a closet(stop complaining, if Harry could survive 11 years of it you can survive a couple of days) while Remus will be fed alot of choclate, gived soothing drinks of hot chocolate, and be tucked into a warm bed with soothing music playing in the background while reading from the largest book of Shakespeare that I can find. This will go on till he is back into a happy mental state.
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Date: 2006-04-27 08:03 pm (UTC)Sirius pouts. "That's not exactly the bondage I had in mind."
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Date: 2006-04-27 08:07 pm (UTC)I know it wasn't. But think of REMUS. You were driving the poor boy insane. *smothers Remus in fluffy chocolate and hugs. Remus is looking distinctly full by now but keeps on munching the chocolate regardless*
no subject
Date: 2006-04-27 09:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-27 09:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-27 10:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-27 10:34 pm (UTC)Sirius: What's this? *pokes with a stick*
Remus: Sirius, be nice! *takes away stick with one hand and continues eating chocolate with the other*
chelle86: Sirius, I'm quite sure I left you tied up in a closet.
Sirius: But it was getting booooring! *innocent look of innocence*
theemdash: I already told you that doesn't work on anyone anymore!
chelle86: except for Flitwick
theemdash: but he doesn't need to know that
Sirius: *suspicous* What are you two talking about?
chelle86: Nothing, nothing. Now. Back. Into. The. Closet.
Sirius: But...
chelle86: No buts! Closet! Now!
Sirius: *looks at Remus* You don't want me to go to the closet do you? *pouts appealingly*
Remus: *has gone into a sugar coma from all the chocolate*
Everyone: oh shit.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-28 02:08 am (UTC)*grabs Sirius and runs into the closet*
;)
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Date: 2006-04-28 03:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-28 12:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-28 12:33 pm (UTC)Okay, the stealing of chocolate, yes. The book abuse, no. ;)
no subject
Date: 2006-04-28 12:37 pm (UTC)So glad you enjoyed it! :D
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Date: 2006-04-28 01:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-28 01:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-28 06:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-28 06:14 pm (UTC)*tickles Sirius* He's just so cute! ;)
no subject
Date: 2006-04-28 07:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-28 10:43 pm (UTC)Chelle: OMG. HE IS NOT CHOKING, YOU IDIOT!
Sirius: But...but...I was giving him the kiss of life! Like in Sweeping Beauty or whatever that Muggle tale was called. *resumes snogging the senseless Remus*
Chelle: NO! Alli, restrain Sirius! I'm taking Remus to the hospital myself!
*floos herself and Remus to St Mungo's*
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Date: 2006-04-28 11:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-29 12:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-30 06:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-01 12:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-01 01:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-01 01:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-01 01:22 pm (UTC)On an unrelated note, how many eps of Supernatural are there so far and how many will there be in all this season?
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Date: 2006-05-02 12:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-02 02:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-14 01:21 am (UTC)Poor Remus! Poor book!
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Date: 2006-05-14 05:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-14 11:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-14 11:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-04 10:18 am (UTC)I hope this was the book he himself smeard some chocolate in a while a go, because he was so engrossed in it that he forgot he was eating a chocolate bar, which then melted between his fingers and he then smeared on the page when he tried to turn it over. He was so annoyed with himself. It was cute. *pets him*
And poor Sirius and his brain. *snoogles them*
no subject
Date: 2006-09-08 01:32 am (UTC)Remus has admitted to getting chocolate on any book ever. Apparently he would "never damage a book in such a horrifying way."
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Date: 2006-09-08 06:59 am (UTC)