Saiyuki Fic: Perfect Timing (PG-13)

[what_works]

Fandom: Saiyuki
Title: Perfect Timing
Author: Em
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~500
Pairing: Sanzo/Hakkai-ish
Prompt: "The thunder like a lion's roar"
Summary: Sanzo's more comfortable with that weapon than he is with people.
Notes: written for fairymage's Lyric Challenge.
Many thanks to mistressrenet, morningstar4, and dragonbetween for quick betas.


Perfect Timing


"Shut up," Sanzo growls just before firing a round. The bullet drills into the forehead of the youkai, its arms and legs sailing into the air like part of a choreographed dance. Somehow Sanzo makes death beautiful.

"Well, that was easy." One hand rubs the back of his neck as Hakkai laughs.

Sanzo just grunts.

The clearing is littered with bodies, dirt churned and spattered with blood—though, much less blood than when Goku and Gojyo are involved. "We should find the others."

Sanzo reloads, sliding each round into the gun with practiced ease. He's more comfortable with that weapon than he is with people.

"They chose a perfect time to wander off."

"They are nothing if not accommodating." The sky is dark with heavy rain clouds; tracking in this weather won't be easy. "If we don't find them soon . . ."

"We can only hope."

Hakkai smiles at Sanzo's "joke."

There isn't a clear path, so Hakkai picks the most direct route, even though there are easier paths to travel.

"Damn it." Sanzo clutches his side—blood seeps through his fingers.

"You're hurt?"

"It's nothing."

"Hmm." Hakkai makes Sanzo sit down anyway, carefully peeling back robes until he finds split skin and tacky blood. "You weren't going to say anything? It's not exactly small."

His head canted back, eyes pointed towards the sky, Sanzo simply says, "I've had worse."

Hakkai's hands glow softly as he focuses his chi, tending to Sanzo's wounds. The stillness around them gradually fades as the sounds of wildlife return to the forest; the calls of two birds, disturbed from their homes, finding each other again. The thunder rumbles faintly, the tremor prickling Hakkai's arms.

"How many times have you healed me?"

Hakkai doesn't even look up, absently answering, "I didn't know I should keep count."

"You never ask for anything." There's a softness in Sanzo's voice, a misplaced sign of affection . . . or something as close to affection as Sanzo can express.

Hakkai glances at Sanzo, shielding his eyes behind his hair. "Would it matter if I did?"

"No, it wouldn't."

He smiles as he goes back to work, focusing once more on closing the wound. The flesh mends itself back together, knitting and merging back into the shape Sanzo's skin is supposed to take.

There's soft breath on Hakkai's face a second before Sanzo's lips brush against Hakkai's temple. Fingers thread into Hakkai's hair and the kiss against his head deepens, lingers, a tongue flicking out to taste his skin.

Sanzo pulls away before Hakkai can move, reciprocate.

"Sanzo!" Goku's voice breaks the moment.

"Stupid monkey," Sanzo growls.

"Hakkai! Where the hell are you?" Gojyo pushes back a branch and stumbles into the clearing. He lets the branch hit Goku in the face.

"Hey, you cockroach!"

Gojyo snorts at him. "Maybe you should grow a little taller."

A shot rings out and the bickering silences.

Sanzo gets to his feet, rearranging his robes. "Damn them both," he mutters. Hakkai can't help but agree; their timing couldn't have been worse.


~New fandoms need comments.

Comments

[sexpress.livejournal.com]

Very nice! Not too sappy or overly emotional.

[theemdash]

Thanks. I tend to go for restraint. ;)

[tresa-cho.livejournal.com]

Okay, I think you got both their personalities down to a T, but I think the story lacks the beautiful description so inherent in Minekura's works. Spend some time describing the forest they're in, or the sounds they hear as they walk. Sanzo's labored breathing, Hakkai's eyes as they flick back and forth from the path to Sanzo's side.

I think if you had inserted the scene where Sanzo's injury worsens- their walking, basically- it might have improved the drama a bit.

I loved the idea you had here, and think you kept two difficult characters true to canon very nicely. Great job!

[theemdash]

I think the story lacks the beautiful description so inherent in Minekura's works.

This is a newbie asking, so forgive me if this is a stupid question: Has Minekura written any prose fiction? I'm asking because your statement seems to allude to that and I'd be interested to read it if it exists.

Spend some time describing the forest they're in, or the sounds they hear as they walk. Sanzo's labored breathing, Hakkai's eyes as they flick back and forth from the path to Sanzo's side.

All good suggestions, but this was a quick fic, as I call them. Rock 'em, sock 'em, get to the little scene that comes after the big moments. I admit that I ignored the setting a bit in this one, but I didn't completely forget about it. There are birdies. *points* *snickers*

I'm a bit of a minimalist at times; this fic didn't need a lot of scene setting to get the point across.

I loved the idea you had here, and think you kept two difficult characters true to canon very nicely. Great job!

Thanks. I'm looking forward to dipping my hands into Saiyuki more. It takes me a while to really feel comfortable writing for a specific world and I'm not quite there yet.

Thanks for the advice. I'll take it to heart for the next Saiyuki fic I work on.

[(Anonymous)]

i disagree that this fic needs more detail; it's brevity is what makes it stand out. Too much 'emerald eyes gazed into ruby' blah blah blah. Your voice is an original one, and true; keep it that way but give us some more like this, OK ?

[theemdash]

Thank you. I'm really glad to hear that the characterizations are true. I refused to allow myself to write a word until I read all the manga and had scene a decent amount of the anime. Looks like that paid off. ;)

[thursday-kat.livejournal.com]

lovely lovely lovely! sanzo/hakkai is prolly my favorite saiyuki pairing and you did them justice *hugs to you* i liked the quiet almost moment they manage to have before the idjits come back :) hope there's more to come!

[theemdash]

Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I will be writing more Saiyuki fic (though I'll probably dip into other pairings as well—I'm an equal-opportunity slasher). I'm looking forward to playing with the boys. *ahem* ;)

Good job!

[talebearer.livejournal.com]

This is very well written. I like your restraint; a technical term for that is the "brushstroke technique," where a minimal amount of just the right detail is used. You certainly have that here. When Sanzo's tongue tastes Hakkai's skin, I could feel that. It gave me a shiver. Well done!

Re: Good job!

[theemdash]

Thank you. I fully believe that less is more. It's that whole "iceberg" approach to writing (where a lot of the story happens under the surface). ;)

I'm glad you enjoyed it and I hope you'll consider reading any more Saiyuki fic I get around to writing.

[chaosd.livejournal.com]

Minimalism rocks *thumbs up*

[theemdash]

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. *waves a flag for minimalism*

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

I liked it a lot. The style suits the characters. You wouldn't think of Sanzo as quiet and restrained, but he really is sometimes. If he was going to touch Hakkai, I think it would be like that, unspoken and something very private between them.

Good fic. Thanks!

[theemdash]

Excuse me while I right myself after being bowled over. Thank you. I adore your Saiyuki stories, so to have you say that to me, a brand-spanking-new Saiyuki author is just bliss. I'm so glad that you like both the style and the moment.

Now, I must go have squeally time.

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Heh. I do hope you write more, and thank you very much indeed! I'm glad you like my stuff

Sorry for the amazingly late reply to this.

[theemdash]

She says she wants me to write more. *starry eyes*

Eh, replies are never really late in my book.

[sariyuki.livejournal.com]

Beautiful piece of Sanzo/Hakkai moment. You kept them in character, I liked it a lot!

Cheers~

[theemdash]

Thank you! I'm glad to hear that they are in-character. It's difficult to know for sure when you're new to a fandom.

[theemdash]

Ha! I never replied to this feedback! ;)

Thanks for leaving that lovely comment of "IC." That's one of my favorite things to hear.

[roadrunner1896.livejournal.com]

So Sanzo is Jack, yes?

Well, I don't know anything about Saiyuki other than that you like it, but I just had to read a fic called "The Perfect Timing" after one called "Bad Timing". See? If you want me to read certain fics of yours I would not usually read, you have to do something like this to get me do it.

Somehow your comment boxes are all screwed up again and I can't read the last words of the lines while typing.

[theemdash]

*snickers* I'm still amused whenever you read fic of mine in fandoms you don't follow.

[roadrunner1896.livejournal.com]

Well, the title caught my attention. Also, it was short and I was bored at work. I assume. Tomorrow I will be done with watching Stargate. I will get back to read fic to fandoms I know then. :D

[theemdash]

Yes, as I recall, you still have quite a few to read to catch up. ;)

[roadrunner1896.livejournal.com]

I will do that eventually. Especially now that you write in so many fandoms that I usually don't read, I should be caught up in about 10 years? ;)

Unless you make me read via the titles again. In which case I'll never be caught up. :p