SG-1 Fic: Body Snatcher (PG-13)

[what_works]

Fandom: Stargate: SG-1
Title: Body Snatcher
Author: Em
Rating: PG-13 for implied slash
Word Count: ~380
Spoilers: missing scene for "Crusade"
Characters: Jack/Daniel, Vala
Prompt: 076. Who? (Big Damn Table)
Summary: Jack gets a strange phone call from Daniel.
Notes: written for stargatefic100. This humorous fic was inspired by comments from fangirljen and purple_shoes, as well as another fic I am plotting.
Recced: Recced on crack_van by duonoaikouka


076. Who?:
Body Snatcher


"Hellooo, Jack," Daniel purrs into the phone.

"Daniel?" It's a little odd for Daniel to sound so . . . relaxed.

"Miss me?"

"What?" I juggle the phone to keep it from hitting the floor.

"I asked if you missed me." He sounds like he's grinning, the goofy little grin he gets when he shakes his head back and forth like the smug little bastard he is.

"Uh . . . Daniel?" I lean back in my chair and pick at the wall. "Should you be in quarantine?"

The laugh isn't quite Daniel's; it's a little too high-pitched, flighty, flirty. "No, Darling. But there is some place I should be—"

"'Darling?'"

"—in your bed, waiting for you to get home. Stripped, oiled, and patiently waiting. . . . Just. For. You."

"Uh. . . ." I shift in my chair, pulling at the fabric at my thigh. Dress pants are much too constricting for this conversation. Clothes, in general, are too constricting for the image Daniel has just painted.

"You're getting hard aren't you?"

I slowly unclench my fingers and inhale quietly, trying to regain control of the thrumming in my head. "No."

"You are." His voice is much too self-confident. I can't remember a time he's ever been this seductive. "You're hard for me."

"Daniel, I. . . ." Daniel has never been seductive like this. He's never been this careless either, calling me from the base, speaking so openly. . . .

I narrow my eyes because Daniel knows when I narrow my eyes, even if he can't see it. Daniel knows when to stop playing around.

"Something you want to whisper in my ear?" he purrs.

I try for nonchalance, but still snap, "Which version of Invasion of the Body Snatchers is going on at the SGC now?"

"Shit," is quickly followed by the dial tone.

I blink, click the receiver, and then start dialing numbers. It takes almost a half-hour to get Carter on the phone, nearly an hour before I get a straight answer, and is over an hour before my hard-on goes away.

Of course, it takes several days to forget about Daniel's quiet purr.

I may never recover from Vala's dirty talk.


~Comments and feedback are appreciated. And earn cookies.

Comments

[overchay.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD. This was a much-needed scene :x lmfao wow That was so great. <3

[lark_ascends]

As much as I don't see slash between those two, that was great.

Very funny.

[amnellwyvern.livejournal.com]

Bwahahahaha!! That's just too perfect *snicker*

[theemdash]

I'm glad that you were still able to read it and laugh. That was, of course, the entire intention. ;)

[theemdash]

*snicker* I'm glad you enjoyed it. Oh, the things that happen when one person asks, "How do you think Jack would react to Vala being in Daniel's body?"

[theemdash]

1. Your icon rocks.

2. I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

[janedavitt.livejournal.com]

Oh, and she so, so would! And what does it say that she knows who to call?

Brilliant :-)

[amnellwyvern.livejournal.com]

1. Your icon rocks.

1. Thank you! It's snagable if you want it.

2. OMG! I love your icon!

[theemdash]

*snicker* I love icon love. &hearts

[theemdash]

Heh heh heh... I had considered that. I also considered how she'd find Jack's phone number and figured it would be the first number on Daniel's speed dial. ;)

So glad you enjoyed it.

[ewanspotter.livejournal.com]

HEE! I wish you would have continued this, that's too great. :)

[sorcha-gaia.livejournal.com]

Okay, that just frickin' rocked! What a great little vignette! Nicely done! :)

[green-grrl.livejournal.com]

I am laughing helplessly!!! Too perfect! You know that's exactly what she did. And her not having the J/D telepathy thing, that's exactly how she got caught! *loves*

[theemdash]

You mean written Jack's conversation with Carter? Nah... I think it works better as a short fic like this.

Besides, this isn't my last fic of Vala in Daniel. Heh heh heh... poor guy. Vala and I are tag teaming him. ;)

[theemdash]

Heh heh heh... thank you. I aim for rocking.

Poor Jack, he has enough trouble handing Daniel.

[theemdash]

Hee! I made you helpless! ;)

I love how she reacts when she gets caught. There's also this behind-the-scenes moment of "Oh yeah, I'm supposed to be doing something." ;)

Thanks for commenting!

[whisper99.livejournal.com]

ROTFLMAO!!!

[theemdash]

So glad you enjoyed it. ;)

[sid]

Geez, I may never recover from Vala's dirty talk, either. Especially the oiled part. *drools*

Too funny!

[lt-kitty.livejournal.com]

Oh, god. Phone sex! This is the first thing I thought of when I heard the spoilers!

Okay, actually the first thing I thought of was a scene where Daniel asks the rest of the team if Vala behaved while borrowing his body and Mitchell gives him all sorts of BS about her hooking up with SG-3 and having phone sex with General O'Neill after finding the number on his speed dial. Because MS does the "WTF???" look soooo well. And because I am perverse and evil.

[lmichelle599.livejournal.com]

LOL!

[ewanspotter.livejournal.com]

No, I mean more Vala talking to Jack. :)

[theemdash]

Oh. Hee. Yes. Jack and Vala need to have a looooong conversation about Daniel's sexual prowess.

[theemdash]

Can you imagine him oiled? Guuuh. ;)

Glad you enjoyed it.

[theemdash]

Heee. I know you love our dirty girl.