what_works | HP Fic: I Believe in Santa Claus (PG-13)

Fandom: Harry Potter
Title: I Believe in Santa Claus
Author: Em
Rating: PG-13 for pranking, language
Word Count: ~4640
Spoilers: Set MWPP era
Characters: Marauders, focus on Remus (pre-Remus/Siris if you are so inclinded to see it)
Summary: Every year the Christmas prank is something special, the Marauders' sixth year is no different.
Dedication: For

debs7,

fairydarling,

fangirljen,

grass_stained,

hope99_31516,

kefira,

morningstar4,

purple_shoes, and

roadrunner1896
Notes: This cracked idea came upon me when writing a highly angsty piece. Be afraid.
Written as part of the 2005 Gift Fic Project for my flist.
Special thanks to

fangirljen for betaing duties.

I Believe in Santa Claus

Sirius thrust an apple in James's face. Somehow he had charmed it so that it glowed a violent red. "Come on. It'll be perfect."

Remus sighed heavily and shook his head. He didn't know what Sirius was on about, but was fairly certain that if it was Sirius's plan it was assuredly not perfect. And if in any way it was perfect, he'd eat his copy of A Christmas Carol.

"Sirius. My friend. My dear friend."

"You're the deer friend," Sirius muttered while James put an arm around Sirius's shoulder.

"I am not pranking the first years this Christmas," James said.

Sirius recoiled as if he'd just been struck.

Remus dropped his book. "What?"

Pranks and prefect duties aside, not only was Remus shocked that James was suggesting to not pull a prank, but of all their pranks, the Christmas prank was not only the most elaborate of the year, but also the kindest. Third year the prank had consisted of turning the last meal before the holiday into a feast of chocolate, fourth year was stockings full of coal—coal that was actually cleverly disguised crackers—and last year involved charming everyone's robes to light up like walking Christmas trees. Oddly enough, Remus actually looked forward to the Christmas prank.

Though he'd never admit that.

"That's right." James held out a hand to Remus. "I'm done with Christmas pranks." He made a fist and held it over his heart. "I've solemnly sworn to only be up to good this year."

Sirius's lips sagged in a pathetic pout. "Think it will put you in Santa's good graces?"

Peter looked up from his History of Magic essay. "It might put him in Lily's good graces."

Sirius's mouth dropped open, his head swiveling to James. "Evans?! You're ditching the greatest prank of all time for Evans!" He struggled out from under James' arm. "I don't know you."

"Oh, come off it. It's not like that," James protested. He kicked his trunk and then sat on it.

Remus picked his book up off the floor, noting that he'd lost his place. "It's entirely like that."

James turned to him. "No, no."

"Yes, yes," Peter snapped. "We're not all stupid, James." Peter slapped his books closed and stacked them one on top of the other. "Besides, I saw you 'solemnly swearing' to her that you wouldn't do anything this Christmas."

James narrowed his eyes. "Who are you and what have you done to Wormtail?"

Sirius scowled and crossed his arms. "Ha! The rat has his usefulness."

"Why is Lily keeping you from pranking Christmas?" The question innocently slipped from Remus's lips before he could think to silence it—or rephrase it in a way that didn't condone their behavior.

James muttered something, casting his eyes down.

"What?"

Peter rolled his eyes, putting on his robes. "Apparently she's didn't like blinking last year. Said her robes gave her a headache." Peter gathered up his books and parchment. "I'm going to the library. I have to finish this essay that none of you are helping me with."

Remus closed his book, giving up all pretense of looking for his lost place. "You need help?"

"I'll do it," Peter said, waving them all off. "Just—Sirius, if you convince James, let me in on the plan this year?"

Peter shut the dormitory door behind him and missed the three grimaces that passed over the faces of the other Marauders.

"He's still upset about last year?" Sirius asked.

Remus tossed his book to the foot of his bed. "It was probably rather shocking to unexpectedly find ones robes blinking."

"Especially if you think you know all the tricks of the pranksters." James actually looked repentant.

"I forgot!" Sirius protested. "You lot expect me to remember every bloody thing." He dropped on to the end of Remus's bed, narrowly missing the book when he flopped backwards.

Remus nudged him with his toe. "You didn't tell me until just after you'd done it."

"And Peter was gone to class by then!" Sirius propped up on one elbow, shaking his hair out of his eyes.

"He probably thought we should have told him beforehand." James pushed his glasses up his nose and smoothed down his hair. "We should have."

Sirius's eyes glinted, a smile curled his lips. Remus's stomach bottomed out and his mouth parted in a silent protest. Sirius winked.

"Then we'd better provide him with a good show this year." Sirius turned back to James. Remus couldn't see his face, but he knew the almost-sincere-except-for-it-being-so-smug look Sirius would have displayed. "To make up for last year."

James's mouth hardened into a thin line. Guilt was James's one great weakness. "I hate you, Black."

Sirius bounded off the bed, brandishing his still glowing red apple. "Perfect! Then we're on for the best Christmas yet!"

Remus reached for his book and reopened it, listening to Sirius and James, smiling as he turned the pages because, really, this was Sirius's best idea yet.

Though, in no way was it perfect.

* * *

It was the last night before Christmas holiday and everything was set. Peter had been thrilled when he'd heard the plan and agreed to anything—even if he had the most boring job. Remus—though secretly loving the plan—allowed himself to be cajoled into the most complicated part. James's role required only his special talents, and Sirius handpicked his task based on the fact that he assured everyone he had the credentials.

"No one knows the hearts and minds of the first years better than I do," he had said.

And after James, Remus, and Peter were done laughing they had agreed that Sirius was best suited of them all to play Santa Claus.

James, Sirius, and Remus met at the broomshed just after dusk. It was dark enough for them to stand there without the Invisibility Cloak, but not so dark that they had trouble seeing their aim through.

After an Alohomora from Remus, the three were standing in the broom shed, the brooms of all the school's Quidditch teams safely nestled in for a long winter's nap.

"Mine," James said, grabbing his broom. "And Sirius's." He passed the broom to Sirius.

"Moony, can you stand to ride something that's been between the legs of a Slytherin?" Sirius asked. He grabbed a broom by the very end of the handle, touching it as little as possible.

Remus grabbed the broom, his mouth pulled to one side in a disapproving smile. "Why are we taking the Slytherin's brooms?"

James shrugged. "Because they hate us anyway."

"Besides, if something goes wrong—which it won't—better not to damage Gryffindor's chances for the Cup."

Remus blanched against Sirius's blasé take on events. Yes, the idea was spectacular, but there was a lot of room for errors and the potential for this going horribly wrong. And Remus was not very good on a broom either—a point he'd mentioned one or twelve times that week.

Sirius slapped him on the back, making him grab the broom with both hands for support. "Relax, Moony, everything will be fine. Trust me." That famous devilish Black smile flitted across his features, shining bright in the dim shed.

James grinned as well. "It'll be easier than you think."

"The hard part is over with," Sirius agreed.

The "hard part" as Sirius liked to call it, was circulating a rumor for the past week that Santa Claus liked to arrive at Hogwarts the night before Christmas holidays. According to Sirius he arrived to wish all good first years a Happy Christmas. By the end of the week, however, Santa arrived to do everything from giving each student a passing grade in the subject of his choice to having dinner with Professor Dumbledore to thwacking the skulls of all pranksters (Remus rather thought Lily had added that one). The older students knew better than to disagree with such a powerful rumor, especially once they learned Sirius Black was behind its inception. That threat alone (and the possibility of being sent home for holidays an alarming shade of puce) was enough to silence even the Slytherins.

They grabbed the brooms—10 total—and headed straight to the edge of the Forbidden Forest. It seemed the safest place to finish their preparations for the night's festivities.

Remus set out the brooms in formation and Sirius and James began charming and transfiguring them all. As each broom was charmed, it hovered in the air at waist height. As each broom was transfigured, a magnificent reindeer floated, pawing at the ground a few inches below it's hooves. It was quite impressive. They left three brooms alone—the three the Marauders would be riding.

"You're sure you can transfigure all the brooms back after this?" Remus was still wary of charming and transfiguring all the brooms. He could just envision the future fall-out for this one. "You're sure the charms will have faded by the next Quidditch practice?"

"If they don't," Sirius said, "it should be pretty funny to watch the Slytherin team fly in formation. Or on reindeer."

James laughed, holding his glasses to his face as he clutched his side. "Remind me to charm their brooms before the next match. Hufflepuff might stand a chance against them."

Sirius barked a rough laugh, leaning back his head. His laughter felt good in the cold night air; it was infectious and warmed Remus, helping him forget his worries.

Sirius threw his robes at Remus's head, the world momentarily going black.

"Help me put these on." When Remus emerged from the black robes, Sirius was holding forth his bed curtains. He'd fashioned them into a sort of cloak, and a nicked pillow from the common room had been transformed into a cap, complete with a puff of white fluff at one end. Once Sirius was dressed, a pillow stuffed into the front of his trousers for girth, Remus stood back and tilted his head. The getup wasn't entirely convincing.

James was just finishing the brooms when Sirius held forth his arms and said, "What do we think?"

James looked up, a grin cracking his face, and then took a step back, tripping over a hovering un-transfigured broom and sprawling to his back. His continued laughter allowed Remus to assume he hadn't been hurt by the fall.

Sirius rolled his eyes and turned back to Remus. "Well?"

Remus squinted his eyes. "If I squint you sort of look like him."

Sirius huffed. "Well of course I don't look like him close up. Don't be a git."

James got up to his knees and hung his arms over the hovering broom, his elbows propped over the side. "I've just one question for you, Padfoot."

Sirius turned his head, the poof on the end of his pillowcase whipping around.

"Can I tell you what I want for Christmas if I sit in your lap?" James started laughing again, falling back on his bottom, clinging to the broom to keep himself upright.

Sirius pulled out his wand and pointed it at James, but then thought better of it. "No need to sit on my lap, Prongs; I'll be sure to get you a pair of Evans's knickers."

Remus grinned, folding Sirius's robes over his arm. Then he closed his eyes, cursing Sirius, because if he knew anything, he knew that tomorrow morning Sirius would be dragging Remus along, convincing him that pilfering a pair of Lily's panties was for the good of the future of wizard-kind. And Remus would go along with it. Post-Christmas prank cheer usually meant that the next three Marauders' pranks—no matter how ill-conceived, death-defying, or insane—usually passed Remus's approval with little argument.

James picked up a wad of snow and flung it at Sirius, falling short a good three feet.

Remus cleared his throat. "Those brooms all finished?"

"Yeah." James pulled himself to his feet, lazily transfiguring the last broom. "And as long as Mr. Claus is ready, I think it's time to be on our way." James mounted his broom at the front of the pack. "Now, these two here, will follow me. The two in front of Padfoot," he pointed to them, "should follow his movements. And Moony, the three in the center are up to you."

Remus nervously smiled.

Sirius slapped him on the back and snaked his arm around Remus's shoulder. "Oh, Moony, don't you worry. By this time tomorrow you'll be a hero. Well, to me anyway." He winked.

Remus felt his stomach bottom out again. "Why did I let you talk me into this? I'm a lousy flier."

James pushed his glasses firmly to his face. "No, you're not. Now quit making excuses and get that Slytherin between your legs."

Sirius stifled his laughter in the sleeve of his bed curtain.

Remus pushed into Sirius's soft pillowy middle. "Shove off."

Sirius and Remus each mounted their brooms and on James's signal, they pushed off.

They cleared the Forbidden Forest, the charms on all the brooms holding as they flew in formation. James pulled out his wand and then a bright red light lit the front of their group. Sirius laughed, but let out a "Ho, ho, ho," rather than his normal bark.

Remus covered his face with one hand and shook his head; his other hand was knuckle-white around the broom handle. He glanced at the ground—too many feet below—but smiled despite his fear, apprehension, and better judgment.

"Peter had better have led the first years up to the Astronomy tower by now," James muttered.

Remus was two brooms behind him and afraid to allow his voice to carry too much as they neared the castle. "I'm sure he's done his part."

James turned around and grinned. He waved his wand at Remus, the red dot blurring in a dizzying way.

"Hey, hey!" Sirius shouted from behind.

"That should be 'ho, ho,' you git," James shouted back, apparently not worried about being heard just yet.

"Yeah, well, just pay attention, Rudolph; you're supposed to be lighting my way. And you, Prancer, keep your eyes on the sky." Sirius pointed to Remus, giving him a crazy grin.

James turned around again. "Prancer? No way. If anything he's Vixen." James and Sirius both howled with laughter. Remus just blushed.

James held his wand straight out, like he was straining to see ahead. "Oi, hush up. I think Wormtail pulled through."

Sure enough, Remus could just make out several moving shapes on top of the Astronomy tower. Remus spared a glance back at Sirius. He was absolutely beaming. The ridiculous outfit—bed-curtain cloak, pillowcase cap—was blowing in the wind, his hair pushed back from his face, his cheeks wind-burned bright red, his eyes shining with his immense pleasure. It wasn't just the prank, Remus knew—Sirius loved Christmas. It was that love that made the Christmas prank benign, fun. It also made Remus a little sad to spend Christmas at home with his family.

"On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer, on Vixen! On Comet . . . uh, you other one, and Doner, and um, Blitzen!" Sirius mangled his lines with laughter in his voice.

There was a rush on the tower, the crowd moving towards Sirius's voice.

James swept them around the far side of the castle, keeping them mostly out of sight of the tower. Small glimpses would make the gag believable; it was enough for the students to see the red light at the lead and the procession of antlers. Sirius's boisterous bellowing and the finale would take care of the rest.

They landed on the roof of Gryffindor tower. Just far enough away from the Astronomy tower to keep their shapes mysterious, and dangerous enough to make their footing rather interesting.

Sirius nodded to James. "You're up."

James handed over his wand and smoothly transformed into a stag. Remus had watched him do it for nearly a year and was still amazed every time the transformation occurred. He thought it had to do with the ease with which James went from human to stag. It was smooth, painless, no ripping at flesh or tearing of seams, just human to stag in one easy step. Sometimes he really hated his animagi friends.

Remus approached the stag, reaching out a hand to pet James's snout. He pulled out his own wand and muttered Sirius's spell. James's nose glowed a bright red. "This is utterly stupid," Remus said under his breath. James snorted.

They'd both said it when Sirius had first explained his cracked plan, all hinging on the idea of James playing Rudolph. And it was brilliant—that part anyway—but his insistence that James play Rudolph instead of one of the transfigured brooms? Only Sirius would be stubborn enough to force that.

Remus tilted his head, making sure that the charm extended only to James's nose, then patted James's face and held out a hand. "Your public awaits."

The stag awkwardly turned, there wasn't much room to move safely, and slowly walked into view of the Astronomy tower. Sirius crouched next to Remus and nodded. "Lumos," they said together. They backlit James and heard the collective gasp.

Sirius giggled. "I can't believe this is working," he hissed.

Remus's eyebrows furrowed. "You said it was perfect; nothing could go wrong."

"How often do I say that?" Sirius shifted his wand to his left hand.

"Often."

"And does it usually?" Sirius grinned.

Remus groaned.

"We're so close," Sirius said.

And he was right. All they had to do was remount their brooms and make their escape. It was easy.

Remus's stomach churned. Things never went well when he thought things were easy.

James turned back and when he was hidden from view, Remus scrambled up and fixed his nose. Then James was standing in front of him again.

"Ow." He rubbed his face. "Staring at that blinking snout was making me cross-eyed."

"Your brooms," Sirius hissed.

It was amazing, the amount of focus Sirius attained when a prank was on versus the focus he applied to Arithmancy lessons, History of Magic essays, or Remus's lectures on how not to lose house points.

They mounted their brooms again, and once more, on James's signal, kicked off into the sky. James led them off, this time sweeping much closer to the Astronomy tower for Remus's comfort, and then off into the dark sky beyond.

Sirius chuckled out "Ho, ho, hos," and every so often encouraged his reindeer with "On!" or "Dash away!"

Remus turned behind briefly and then did a double take when he saw Sirius lift his wand to his neck and mutter what sounded like "Sonorous." It was confirmed when Sirius's bellow intensified threefold and he shouted "Happy Christmas to all!"

"Stupid," Remus cursed under his breath. "You'll wake the professors."

Sirius reversed his spell and then hissed, "We'll be back inside before they realize what's happened."

Remus squeezed his eyes shut. "We have to return the brooms. You have to get out of that ridiculous outfit. We have to get back up to our dorm."

"Er. . . ." Sirius paled. "Oi, Prongs, maybe we should step on it?"

James nodded and bared down on his broom. The two brooms following James took off after him, zooming along to keep pace. Sirius broke their formation, following behind James, dragging his brooms as well.

Remus cursed again—he only cursed this often when they pulled him along on their pranks—and mimicked James. The sudden burst of speed startled him and he nearly slipped on his broom. He tensed his legs—Sirius's jab about having a Slytherin between his legs ringing in his ears—and held on as best he could.

He'd caught up to Sirius before he realized he was having fun.

He was on James's tail before he realized he was actually a good flier.

He was on the ground before he realized that one day he'd have to go again.

James jumped off his broom and started transfiguring the ones following him. Sirius landed and began disrobing. Remus threw Sirius's robes at his head and gathered up the brooms James had finished. By the time James and Remus were done transfiguring and putting the brooms away, Sirius was back in his school robes. James reached into his pocket and withdrew his Invisibility Cloak. The three of them huddled under it, breathing each other's air, their bodies pressed close.

"I ever mention how much I like you blokes?" Sirius laughed into Remus's hair.

Remus squeaked when something pinched him.

James laughed. "Sorry. I couldn't resist. Was that your ass?"

"Yes. It was. My ass." Even he was rather impressed that he managed to speak through gritted teeth.

Sirius laughed. "Oh, come now, Vixen."

Remus jerked his head, knocking his ear into Sirius's chin. "I'm hexing you as soon as I can move my arms. I have the entire walk back to the castle to decide what I'm going to do. But I feel it's fair to warn you so you can start running when we reach the common room. I can assure you, though, no one will want to hide you. I'll see to that."

Sirius wrapped one arm around Remus. "Oh, Moony, I didn't know you cared."

James groaned. "Can you poofs shut up? Filch is up there."

Often Remus wondered if James's glasses were charmed. Remus could see a shape that was most probably a man of Filch's build, but he couldn't be sure it was Filch—and James was sure.

They traveled the rest of the way in silence. Sirius kept his arm around Remus—all of them afraid to move too much lest they knock the Invisibility Cloak off. They inched past Filch, through the entryway and up the stairs. It was only when they stood in front of the portrait hole that James lifted off the Cloak.

The common room was silent. Peter sat by the fire, wringing his hands. He stood up when he spotted them.

"Perfect," he breathed. "Without a hitch."

Sirius slapped Remus's shoulder. "See? What did I tell you?"

Remus gritted his teeth. "It's a Christmas miracle."

James pushed past them. "Tell us how it went. How'd I look?"

James led the way upstairs, Peter talking in an awed voice, with Sirius and Remus trailing behind.

"It went all right," Sirius said. He clutched the pillow against his chest.

Remus sighed, his affection for Sirius and the Christmas prank getting the better of him. "It was rather perfect."

"Thank you!" Sirius said loudly.

Once inside their dorm, Peter began a full recounting of the events on the Astronomy tower, including a heated argument between four first years about whether or not Santa Claus was real. The one who had argued the loudest and the longest against Santa was the greatest believer by the end of the prank.

"James, when you came out, it was . . . breathtaking." Peter spoke reverently; it was as passionate as he ever got about anything. "The backlighting was a nice touch." Sirius and Remus shared a look and beamed. "No one could tell the difference, and they all wanted to believe at that point." Peter turned to Sirius, his chin held a little higher than normal. "You gave them something special tonight; I hope you realize that."

Sirius rubbed the back of his neck, ducking his head to hide the flush in his cheeks. He strode towards his bed, shaking back his hair (and shaking off the humility), the typical regal Black swagger in his hips. "I give everyone something special every day just by existing."

Remus followed, thumping him on the back of the head.

"Now, now," Sirius warned, shaking a finger. "I know if you've been naughty."

Remus raised one eyebrow. "I can guess the name that's on the top of that list."

"James Potter," Sirius said just as James said, "Sirius Black."

"I'd call it a tie," Remus said, crawling his way across his bed still fully clothed, "but Prongs grabbed my ass."

Peter blinked rapidly. "What?"

"Wait, is that a bad thing or a good thing?" Sirius asked. He walked towards Remus's bed with his hands stretched out. "Because I can be brave, if necessary."

Remus flipped over on to his back and grabbed Sirius's wrists, defending his virtue from further tainting. "It's a bad thing," he laughed.

James pouted. "But I thought you were Vixen."

Peter blinked again. "What?"

James waved him off. "Forget about it, Wormtail. Apparently Moony's nothing more than a tease." He winked at Remus and Remus, too preoccupied with fighting off Sirius, managed not to blush.

James and Peter changed into their pajamas and got into bed while Sirius continued to try to molest and tickle Remus. "Sirius," Remus finally said, "I'd like to get to sleep some time this night."

"Don't let me bother you." Sirius pinched at the thin flesh beneath Remus's ribs, and then bounced off Remus's bed.

Sirius ripped his robes over his head with his usual casualness, and Remus decided it was safe to change into his own pajamas.

"Moony?" Sirius asked after a few minutes.

"Mmm?" Remus focused on his buttons, getting the last one fastened.

"Switch beds with me tonight."

"Switch what? No." He finally looked up, taking in the mess of curtains laying in the center of Sirius's bed. Ah, that was why.

Sirius flopped back on Remus's bed. "Come on. I can't sleep with my curtains down like that, you know it. And we have to fix them before we can hang them again."

Remus sighed as he pulled back the covers and slipped between the sheets. "And if I make you fix them you'll keep me up, will you?"

Sirius grinned, batting his eyelashes. "I'll sing."

"For the love of Merlin!" James interjected from behind his curtains. "You can sleep in my bed if it will save us from that."

Sirius grimaced, his lower lip pulling away from his face. "Don't send me over there Remus. It's drafty and his feet are icy." He shivered theatrically.

Remus flipped back the covers, inviting Sirius to join him. "Just don't tell me how you know about James's cold feet."

Sirius got under the covers and turned to face Remus. "Thanks," he breathed.

Remus closed his eyes and tried to pretend that Sirius wasn't there, wasn't staring at him hard enough to will Remus awake. He opened his eyes.

"What do you want for Christmas?" Sirius was . . . serious. He asked his question as though he was a first year, with all the innocence and intensity that question carried when a perfect Christmas could be summed up with a new broom or an owl.

"I don't want anything," Remus said. He fisted his blanket, tucking it under his chin. "I want you out of my bed?"

Sirius pushed him with his shoulder. "I mean it. I saw you on that broom. You were having the time of your life."

Remus smiled. "Yeah. I was."

"You want a broom? I could put in a good word with Santa." The glint in his eye teased Remus.

"I don't believe in Santa," Remus chuckled.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Sirius closed his eyes, the smile still on his lips, like his own private joke playing in his head.

"Moony?"

Remus closed his eyes when Sirius didn't open his again.

"What do you believe in?"

"You," Remus said. Remus's eyes snapped open when he felt hot breath on his face.

"Really?"

Remus smiled smugly. "Yes," he sighed, closing his eyes again. "I believe that next year you'll have another show stopping Christmas prank planned—and it will be perfect," he opened one eye to catch Sirius's pleased blush. "And I believe in your ability to keep me awake even though I'm desperate to fall asleep."

"Me, too," James moaned from the bed over.

Sirius laughed. "All right, all right. Happy Christmas, Marauders."

Remus yawned, pulling the blankets tight around him. "Happy Christmas, Sirius."

~Comments and feedback are better than presents.