SG-1 Fic: Being Daniel Jackson

[what_works]

Originally posted in sg1_creativity on August 15, 2004.

Fandom: Stargate: SG-1
Title: Being Daniel Jackson
Author: Em
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~500
Spoilers: Season 7, "Fallen"
Challenge Inspired by lyrics: "Wanted to belong here,/But something felt so wrong here,/So I pray,/I could break away."
Notes: Despite the way the first paragraph reads this is not Jack/Daniel slash. Also, I did not rewatch "Fallen" before writing this and therefore royally screwed up the chronology of that episode. Despite my intense desire to write in cannon, I have left the chronology as it was originally written.
Awards: Second Place for Week 9 at sg1_creativity


Being Daniel


This isn’t home. At least that’s what they tell me. Jack says we’re friends, but from the look in his eyes, the body language, the obvious if-I-actually-touch-him-he-might-break hesitancy tells me it’s something more. That I'm more important to him than just friendship. I don’t feel gay, and Jack being a Colonel leads me to think he’s not either. So what is it?

I fumble with the glasses Sam gave me. I don’t really know what to do with them. She seemed so proud when she gave them to me. Like giving me—apparently—my glasses would somehow make “Daniel” come back.

Sam casts me these long looks, her eyes wide and imploring. Is there some sort of more-than-friends relationship here? She feels familiar—safe—but how can I be sure? I woke up alone and naked. Do I really know these people? I sure as hell don’t know the man they say I am.

I wrinkle my nose and slip the glasses on. They feel heavy.

Teal’c is hard to read—quiet and unexpressive. Or rather very expressive, but you have to know how to read him. How do I know that? How do I know that he’s glad to see me even though he hasn’t said anything—has hardly looked at me—but I can tell he’s relieved. Even that he missed me. He and I aren’t—?

Why is it that I assume that everyone is in love with me?

“Daniel?”

Jack startles me. He keeps doing that. He appears behind me and I don’t know if I didn’t hear him because I’m lost in my thoughts or because he’s just that good.

“Daniel.”

“Yes, Jack?” I cross my arms over my chest. It’s natural and feels like something familiar. Is this my usual stance with him?

He smirks. I take that to mean I’m acting like Daniel.

“We’re ready to go. If you—are.” Jack gestures up and down my body, palms upwards. He rests them back on his gun again. The gun is obviously a natural extension of his body. His stance seems as familiar to me as my own and I can’t help but think we’ve had this conversation before.

“I—” I don’t know what to say—‘No,’ ‘I’ll think about it,’ ‘Okay, I’ll follow you—wherever’?

He takes a step closer and for a brief second I see all the uncertainty leave his eyes. This is Jack. The confidence mingled with concern. This is Jack. I know it deep in my being. Even if I don’t remember him—I know him—I want to know him again.

I want to be Daniel.

That’s what I see in these people. I see Daniel. I see what I was—what I will be—what I am. I see my love for them reflected back to me. I see family.

“Okay.” I uncross my arms and step forward. “Let’s go.”

“You’re sure?” Jack lets the gun dangle from the strap over his shoulder. I think he expected more of a fight.

“Yeah.” I hesitantly place my hand on his shoulder. “Jack. I’m ready to go home.”


~Comments and feedback are appreciated.

Comments

[kefira.livejournal.com]

Ahh. This was great. Man the last thing I need to get really sucked back into fanfiction. I feel like I dont have enough time for things as it is!

[theemdash]

Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it. And while you may not have time for fanfiction in general, surely you have time for mine. ;) I don't actually write much anyway. *shrug* Thanks again. It's a real compliment that I'm tempting you to engage in fanfics.

[malnpudl.livejournal.com]

*sniffle*

Not quite canon? Well, no... but true to the heart and spirit of the moment. :-)

[theemdash]

Thank you. It being true to the spirit of the moment is what allows me to deal with my misremembered timeline. It really irks me that I messed up the timeline, though. I'm anal like that.

I'm glad it is appreciated, though. I rather like this one.

and I may be working on the slash this weekend...

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Yes. I like your stuff. This is insightful and very.. right. The weight of the glasses feeling strange, Sam's reaction like he's "become" Daniel once he has the glasses makes complete sense, ant would seem just this weird to him. His uncertainty, feeling he knows everyone yet doesn't know himself. Yes. And that overwhelming feeling of love he's picking up from all of them, trying to figure out its ramifications... am I involved with this one, that one, what? Absolutely. In fact MS was playing it off-screen that he asked virtually everyone in the besed if there was... something... between them. His instincts are right, as are yours, yeah, the love people have for Daniel is that palpable.

Wonderful work. Let me hunt for more.

Icarus

[theemdash]

You are making me blush. ;)

Thank you. I'm glad that you enjoy Being Daniel. I was rather disappointed by it when I rewatched "Fallen" and realized that I had gotten it wrong. But at least the insight is there and the emotion is right. And I can't help laughing at the line about Daniel wondering why he thinks everyone is in love with him. *snicker*

It took me a while to realize it, but I'm actually a fan of your work. Shy Guy is one of the things that prompted me to pull back on some of the emotion that was more apparent in an earlier draft of Slow Burn. And yeah, I do sometimes like reading the very obvious "Jack and Daniel are so in loooooove" type of fics--but there are a lot of them. And I'm not sure that the characters would actually act like that. So reading your work kind of gave me permission to take on the more masculine approach and hold back on the emotion. Becuase yes, underneath it all I think they do *ahem* "care for each other more than they should" (see, "Divide and Conquer" is good for something), they also aren't going to admit it--uh, pretty much ever.

Since you've been so kind to write feedback for me, I'll be sure to go and leave feedback for you. Oh, and you've encouraged me enough to start working on another piece. So thank you. Really.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

No kidding, really? Cool!

I like the "true love" and "old married couple" fics (the latter especially), but it's been done and very well, too. I usually write what I want to read and can't find anywhere.

"Divide And Conquer" what? Teal'c voice: I'm not familiar with this particular story.

Icarus

[mirankos.livejournal.com]

Beautiful. I really love this.

I love inner dialog and observation, this type of piece, best :)

[theemdash]

Thanks so much. This piece makes me cringe a bit because it's pretty well off canon. *whimper* I like writing in canon.

Even so, it captures the characters fairly well I think.

[mirankos.livejournal.com]

Yes, it does capture them :)

The off canon didn't bother me a bit. It's also been a while since I saw this episode, though, so I'm almost not sure what's off. Not that it would alter my reaction here. It's the glasses presentation?

Canon is best, but I take a piece for what it is and how well everything else is done when there's deveation - intentional or not.

This piece moves me, strikes a chord. :)

[teddibear.livejournal.com]

I'll forgive you for not remembering it's Janet who gives him his glasses when back at the SGC because this was so lovely.

My favorite line... Why is it that I assume that everyone is in love with me?

Such a contradiction. Because the "old" Daniel was so damn clueless he never seemed to realize ANYONE was in love with him. And now look. He's suspicious of all. Hee.

Also loved the line about him seeing Daniel in them and wanting to be their Daniel. Awww.

Nicely done. Congrats on the placing :)

[theemdash]

I wrote this one pretty soon after I'd finished watching the series and just forgot the details of the episode. I rewatched it shortly after finishing, but thought the fic was strong enough on its own to leave in the mistake. I hate making a mistake like that, but I came clean about it. ;)

Because the "old" Daniel was so damn clueless he never seemed to realize ANYONE was in love with him.

Well, he has that line with Sam, asking if she was in love with him, and then I realized that both Jack and Teal'c were acting really odd around him. . . . It just made sense that he might start wondering that about all of them. ;)

[teddibear.livejournal.com]

Yeah the fic works so a mistake or two I can forgive. We'll call it AU Fallen/Homecoming :)

And hee, but we already know, EVERYONE is in love with Daniel. Cuz he's just so damn cute! *snerk*

[zats-clear.livejournal.com]

Why is it that I assume that everyone is in love with me?

oh Daniel, don't know? Everyone is

[theemdash]

*snickers* It always amuses me when someone goes back and reads some of my old stuff. Oh, how new I was to SG-1. ;)

And yes, everyone is in love with Daniel.